


what if we both still suffer from the past

by Lacrazia



Category: Matilda (1996), Matilda - Roald Dahl, Matilda the Musical - Minchin/Kelly
Genre: Matilda gets angry, One Shot, Past Abuse, Post-Canon, Then reflects
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 20:27:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21021782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lacrazia/pseuds/Lacrazia
Summary: The realisation doesn’t reach Matilda until the first time Miss Honey flinches from her.Matilda and Miss Honey earnt their happy ending. Eighteen months after Miss Honey adopts her, Matilda has settled into her new life, but can the slate of the past ever be wiped clean? Matilda comes to understand that sometimes healing from the past is not so easy.





	what if we both still suffer from the past

**Author's Note:**

> Set in Musical/Film/Book Universe. 18 Months after Matilda's Adoption.

The realisation doesn’t reach Matilda until the first time Miss Honey flinches from her. Their new life together had given Matilda stability, love, and care. And without realising, she’d started to slip more into the typical behaviour of children her age. 

On the rare occasion that Miss Honey said no to her, and she could tell that the poor woman struggled to do so, Matilda would manipulate, argue and even shout until her adopted mother quickly gave in. She’d start apologising and asking Matilda not to be angry. 

Matilda knew it was wrong, she shouldn’t do that to Jenny just because she could get her own way, but sometimes it was just too tempting. 

She hadn’t been like that when she first came to live with her teacher, back then she would never dream of being angry at Miss Honey, or twisting her arm in any way. Matilda had been so grateful, she loved Miss Honey more than anything in the world, and felt so lucky to finally have a proper family and be cared for. 

So what had changed?

Matilda still adored Jenny, she still loved living with her. Maybe she had grown accustomed to her new life of being cared for and appreciated, maybe years of not being able to behave like a brat were now catching up on her.

What if the way her “real” parents, as she loathed to call them, treated her all those years had affected her. Now she would be prone to repeating their behaviours, to following in their footsteps? 

It had grown so slowly over time, crept up, without Matilda even realising. 

When she had lived with the Wormwoods, she had a reason to be angry. Her mother and father did nothing but insult her and she paid them back in turn, with her antics. 

But what had Miss Honey done? Nothing. She never got angry, she never lost her temper, never ran out of patience. The only time Matilda had heard her raise her voice had been in a desperate cry. 

_“It would be my word against hers, and they’d never believe she was capable of murder!”_

And yet Matilda got angry, she demanded things, she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Not all the time, but every so often it came out. 

Sometimes a part of Matilda, a dark, wicked, horrible part just wanted to take her anger out on the kind, young teacher. To scream and yell at her, to direct all her frustrations and negative emotions, because she knew that Miss Honey would take it. 

She knew that Miss Honey would never retaliate, would never shout back or get angry, she would take it and she would continue to love her and care for her all the same…

Matilda couldn’t do that to her teacher. It was cruelty. In hard times you lash out at the ones closest to you. No. Matilda had to be better than that. How had she let herself get so out of control. She hadn’t realised. 

Not until Jenny flinched. 

They had been arguing, well, Matilda had been. She wanted Miss Honey to get a driving licence and a car

“Matilda, this is not your decision. If there comes a time when I need to take you further to school or college, then we will talk about it, but not right now, I’m sorry.” 

Miss Honey looked like she wanted to retreat, but Matilda followed her into the kitchen. 

“But, if we had a car you could drop me off at the senior school in the morning, we could get more things when we go shopping, we could go and visit other places!” 

To Matilda, it seemed so obvious. She didn’t understand why Miss Honey looked so agitated at the notion, but then again, she didn’t know that when Jenny had asked if she could learn to drive, at the age of eighteen, she had been locked in the boot of a car for almost half a day. 

“I’m sorry Matilda.. It’s just not..”

“You don’t have to get one right now, just apply for a provisional licence, look, I found you the forms.” The determined young girl pushed them towards her guardian persistently. 

“I.. Not right now, Matilda.” 

“Why not?” She could feel herself getting annoyed. It made no sense. Miss Honey was old enough, they could afford it. 

“Because… we’re not going to get a car right now…” It was clear Jenny was struggling. 

“But that doesn’t mean you can’t apply!” She could change her mind, Matilda had often found she could sway her adoptive mother. She just needed a push. 

“I’m not going to sign the forms, Matilda..” Miss Honey had started playing with the sleeves of her cardigan, nervously. 

“If you do it now then they’ll be ready for when you decide to start driving! Why don’t you listen to me?” The small girl stared up at her teacher with her brows furrowed, forcing the young woman to look at her. 

“I do listen to you.. It’s just-” Miss Honey stopped, unable to explain. 

“Just sign them!” Matilda shouted, lifting the papers in the air and shoving them on the table in a swift, aggressive motion of her arm. 

Jenny flinched, instinctively.

The realisation hit Matilda like a tonne of bricks. The beautiful, sweet, kind, gentle teacher who had adopted her, welcomed her into her home, fed her, clothed her and given her everything she needed, feared, even if just for a second, that Matilda was going to hit her. 

Matilda knew, as well as anyone, the abuse Jenny had suffered growing up. She had seen the way that the Trunchbull treated her, and the effect it had on the poor young woman. How she seemed broken into submission, how she accepted her Aunt’s degradation and cruelty. 

Her beloved Miss Honey had been beaten into the ground her whole life. 

Matilda watched her from across the living room, she seemed contented, unfazed by the argument from earlier.

A sad thought struck Matilda. What if she had been treated so badly before, that it barely affected her at all, that by comparison, Matilda shouting at her was completely acceptable. 

She looked so peaceful, reading her book by the fire. Matilda couldn’t help but feel overwhelmed with guilt, she had sworn to protect Miss Honey, she had stopped the Trunchbull- 

Just to start bullying Miss Honey herself? 

“..Jenny?”

“Yes dear?” Miss Honey looked up from her book, her glasses starting to fall down her nose a little. 

Matilda stood from her seat on the sofa and walked towards her adoptive mum, she twisted her hands together in front of her, trying her best not to cry at the thought of Jenny being afraid of her.

“I’m sorry.. that I shouted at you. I shouldn’t have done it.” 

“Oh, Matilda.” 

Miss Honey put her book down, and gestured for the young girl to come to her. She did, and Jenny opened her arms, drawing Matilda to her in a warm embrace. 

“It’s okay.” She stroked the girl’s long hair soothingly, hearing a quiet sobbing sound and feeling tears starting to fall from Matilda’s cheeks. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Shhhh.. It’s okay, you know how much I love you, nothing will ever change that.” Miss Honey whispered, holding her close. 

“I know.” Matilda murmured quietly.


End file.
